The 4 letter word we spend our entire lives learning and relearning. We tend to go through phases of feeling as though we have it all figured out; until we reach a new level along out journey. Many say we experience love when we first burn. This is because children are pure. When we are born we love everyone and everything; or just about. Others may say we never truly know what love is until we meet our first love or one true love. But the question is, ” Do we really know what love is?” We spend most of our lives being coached on the do’s and don’ts of love as well as what to look for when it happens. The truth is love looks and feels different for all of us. However, the foundations of love are all the same. Why!!! How!!!! Think about a house. Each house may look different yet the foundation of each house structurally the same. We need a blue print, carved out dimensions, frame, insolation. The look and strength of the house is dependent upon the individuals within the relationship. When it comes to a relationship we oftentimes hear, ” love is the foundation of any relationship”. If a relationship is looked at as a home and love being the foundation; everyone needs to be solid. So, what make a solid foundation?
I’M GLADE YOU ASKED.
When we hear the word RELATIONSHIP or LOVE we tend to instantly think of intimate relationships of any kind. But, the truth is relationships are everywhere; we ourselves in relationships with our parents, siblings, extended family, co-workers, children, friends, etc. Each of these relationships has the potential to display an example of love. However, our foundation of love is built at a very early age. From the moment we are born we begin to observe and learn what is it to be a human being. As a child we watch and mimic our parents or caregivers. It is within this very moment we learn about relationships and what love looks, sounds, and feels like. When it comes to Early Childhood Development love is at the center. Our foundation of love is built within the early developmental stages of our children. How we nurture our children as well as the type of environments they are in influences their development. When we talk about nurturing we are shining a light on the relationship between child and parent. Some may argue, “The first and most important relationship a child experiences in their lifetime is with their mother and father.” or “A child’s first love is their mother or father.”. This is due to the fact that children learn by way of mimicking what is they see as well as what is they hear. Everything is mimicry for children all the way down to a child’s first laugh. This is only if a child’s brain is being stimulated. Human interaction is important from birth and our parents are who we interact with the most during the “prime years” of our life.
“It is important to keep in mind Brain Stimulations and Human Interaction is about more than words and sounds; this consist of touch, smells, sounds, words, as well as personal actions.”
The first thing a child experiences on this earth is human touch. It is here we gain an understand of what love feels like. Human touch to this day has proven to be a very important factor for mental health; as well as deemed sacred to some across the world. This is because we as humans need affection. Affection is something every living organism needs; and can be something as simple as a hug , kind words, or a pat on the back. Affection is one if not the only way someone truly feels loved and secure. Researchers show that a child who grows up without affection from parents lacks a significant amount of confidence in their adulthood. Because affection and human touch plays such a heavy roll with our emotions especially human interaction children that grow up without these things in their life tend to become socially awkward; not really knowing what it is to truly have a positive relationship. Because of this many researchers believe child that lack these things will not be as successful as they progress and transition in to adulthood and the working class.
Our foundation of love starts with our parents. It is our mother and father who teaches us how to lay the foundation. Because of this parents are expected to lead by example; this is the corner stone of effective parenting. It has been said that children not only learn how to treat others from their parents but also how to treat themselves in the process. Researchers also argue that children who are raised by parents who practice self-care, take breaks, and problem solving effectively with spouses tend to be less anxious and “better off” in their adulthood. Let’s explore this a little more in-depth shall we?! When it comes to positive rearing many parents will tell their children, “Act like you have home training.” or ” Act like you have some manners.” However, these are things a child can only learn from watching, listening, learning, and practicing; when given the opportunity. Children learn communication skills from their parents and environment. As a child observes their surroundings they learn what is socially acceptable and unacceptable. This is also how the concept of respect is learned. Communication is all about respect or the lack there of. How we talk to one another says a lot about how we feel about them; it displays how much we care for them and how much respect we have for them. As a child grows up this is how the child will not only act towards their parents but towards just about everyone they interact with. This will also be the bases of what a child believes a healthy relationship looks like all the way into adulthood.
At the core of relationships is Self Love and Self Care. If we do not give ourselves the respect and love we deserves we cannot hold anyone else to that standard. However, this is again something that is learned with our parents. When a daughter watches her mother she learns what is means to take care of herself. She learns the important of hygiene, pampering, and much more. Much like sons learn similar core self care routines from their father. These things can be expounded upon in terms of how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. If a child sees their parent talking badly about or to themselves, working none stop, not taking care of their mental or physical health; a child will think that is normal for all adults. However, if a child sees their parents taking care of themselves by working out, doing yoga, meditating, or simply setting out time to laugh, be happy, and healthy; the child will mimic this as they grow. It is here a child learns the do’s and don’ts of relationships as a whole. Too many adults are going through life learning what it is to have a healthy relationship while trying to heal from childhood traumas and unlearning the toxic norms of their past. The foundation of love is something we begin building from the moment we are born with the assistance and guidance of our parents. Because of this we must have the goal of learning a from our parents yet aspire to be better for the next generation. If we rear our children in a positive way and help build a solid foundation there would be less trauma children would have to heal from as they grow up. And because of this we as adults would know how to heal ourselves without depending because we were equipped as a child. Broken children come from broken homes and create broken relationships.