When we enter into a serious relationship it seems as though everyone wants to offer us a word of advice. We often hear the word Sacrifice and Compromise over and over again; leading us to believe that relationships are nothing short of doom and gloom. But, does it have to be that way? Is there nothing more to relationships than losing yourself and always compromising?! Well, I am here to tell you there is more. Relationships are not about compromise and sacrifice. This is common when we haven’t done the work to truly get to know ourselves on a deep level. When we are in a serious committed relationship 2 words come to mind; Understanding and Blending. When we have done the work to heal and get to know ourselves we will attract someone who is welling to do the same or has done the same. Because of this sacrifice and compromise will not be a necessity. This is because when we are both striving to provide better for ourselves and one another we are able to map out a bigger picture. When we blend we acquire all of our needs and lack nothing. However, blending can only happen after we have an understand of one another and our needs. In blending 2 parties are working together; complimenting each others strengths and weaknesses. This requires communication and maybe even reflecting depending on the topic, but above all understanding.
When we talk about relationships that last the one thing nobody ever tells us is that the Ego has no room in relationships. Our ego has the potential power to break up a powerful relationship. No one mentions this because we simply do not think about our ego or we consider it an important part of our identity. Yes, the ego is a part of our identity however the ego is fragile; meaning the slightest thing can potentially shatter our ego. In relationships we often have expectations for every level of a committed relationship from dating to marriage. When these expectations are not met the ego is bruised causing our feelings to become hurt. The ego impacts our emotions more than we like to think. Our ego does not like compromising and sacrificing. The ego wants what is wants by any means necessary and knows no boundaries; because of this many relationships do not last. This means there is no consideration. The ego is only about self which means there is zero capacity for anyone else. The ego, while it can be a helpful trait to have is detrimental when trying to build a strong relationship. Many arguments start and fester due to the ego. This is because the ego wants to be right and win every conversation. Because of this alone things are said that we truly don’t mean and should never say to one another. Oftentimes ego wants us to hold things over our loved ones head to keep score. Knowing that the ego is fragile means it is important to listen to understand instead of listening to respond. When we listen to understand this allows time to take everything in without assuming it is a challenge of ones knowledge, understanding, or wisdom.
Have you ever dated someone who is insecure?
Have you ever dated someone who is a complete nut job?
We all have!!!!!
And we have all been that person to an existent.
When ego is leading the relationship our judgement is a little foggy. Ego has no room in a relationship because we can push the people we love away and hurt them. The ego fears the potential of humiliation; in relationships we are most vulnerable. In a vulnerable state we are not in control of what happens. When we allow our ego to lead being in control is important. Because of this some of us may come off as clingy due to the fact that we want attention and time always. When we do not have it we may assume that attention and time is going to someone else. Perhaps we are a little controlling? We may want things to go our way or there is no way. Oftentimes we call this a power trip or egotistical. Allowing the ego to drive the relationship oftentimes creates a toxic relationship or a relationship where everyone is walking on egg shells. The important thing to remember is that we can not change one another in a relationship. All too often we want our partner to be the version of what we want or we walk into a relationship with the intent of “fix” or changing a person. When we do this we are manipulating that person. This too is the ego leading the relationship. Ego likes to be in control of every aspect of our lives and the truth of the matter we only have so much control here.
This is not a blog to tell you to kill the ego. This is to help you be aware when going into a serious relationship or even before considering marriage. The ego is a part of what keeps us motivated and hungry. It is also apart of what helps us to create boundaries . The idea is to put the ego in the passenger seat and get to know yourself outside the relationship. When we do these things the ego will be fed automatically. When you love yourself actively we will not need validation or an excessive amount of attention from our spouse. Also in doing so we become a better person and spouse overall.
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