Positive Vibes Only!!| What They Don’t Tell You

Positive Vibes Only!

A phrase like many others that is often times used in the wrong context and simply put over used.

 

While I may not believe there can be “Toxic Positive” no more than there can be a “Toxic Masculinity” or ” Toxic Femininity “. I do believe that there is this false idea that Self Care and Health is always an Instagramible or perfect moment. Today the term “Positive Vibes Only” has created a standard that no one can live up too. Many use the term as an excuse to dismiss responsibility and cut ties with those who call us out on our Bullshit. However, the term also gives many of us a reason to suppress emotions that we need to let out. In short Toxic Positivity can be explained as, “Encourages ignoring negative emotions.” In the wake of Self Care and embracing positivity it is still hard to turn a blind eye to the up’s and down’s that we all go through.  And because of this some ay use a Self-Care or Mental Healthy to avoid confronting situations and responsibility. Toxic Positivity is not to be confused with someone who is optimistic; those who encourage us to keeping going and to see the brighter side or bigger picture are doing so from a place of healthy perspective shifting.

Toxic Positive is a new word the was created to bring some checks and balance to Positive Vibes Only because let’s face it depression, escapism, and anxiety is real. However, the term brings neither help, clarity, nor comfort to our society. What many of us lack today is Duality.

Duality: being twofold; a classification into two opposed parts or subclasses.

(geometry) the interchangeability of the roles of points and planes in the theorems of projective geometry.

If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there’s a duality. Peace and war, love and hate, up and down, and black and white are dualities. Another term for a duality is a dichotomy. Duality has technical meanings in geometry and physics. In geometry, duality refers to how points and planes have interchangeable roles in projective geometry. In physics, duality is the property of matter and electromagnetic radiation to be understood best through wave theory or particle theory.

Dichotomy: A dichotomy is an idea or classification split in two. When you point out a dichotomy, you draw a clear distinction between two things.

A dichotomy is a contrast between two things. When there are two ideas, especially two opposed ideas — like war and peace, or love and hate — you have a dichotomy. You often hear about a “false dichotomy,” which occurs when a situation is unfairly represented as an “either/or” scenario. For example, the statement “All cars are either small and efficient or large and polluting” creates a false dichotomy because there are some cars that don’t fit into either category.

Oftentimes we are tempted to block out one aspect of ourselves or life for the sake of portraying an image to others to hide the parts of ourselves we don’t want anyone else to see. Because of this we lake duality which is a major aspect of life. Duality isn’t  solely about just embracing the good and/or the bad in life but to rather bring awareness to both aspects. Duality teaches us the importance of catering to the positive all while challenging us to ask ourselves, “What can I learn or take away from the negative?” In the definitions offered above we notice language such, ” Being Twofold and Interchangeability of Roles”; drawing out the idea that duality is also about how roles and situations can work together towards a bigger picture as well as take on both sides of the coin. When working with duality we realize things are never one sided and may also be more complex than what we would like to accept. This concept also keeps us mindful of trying to box ourselves as well as others in. The Yin and Yang Philosophy is arguably where we first see dualism. The philosophy teaches us two opposites which positive-negative, good-bad, light-dark, etc exist in an inseparable way. As the two may contradict one another the ultimate goal is to reach order and achieve harmony.

  In Duality Yin and Yang attract and complement each other and, as their symbol illustrates, each side has at its core an element of the other (represented by the small dots). Neither pole is superior to the other and, as an increase in one brings a corresponding decrease in the other, a correct balance between the two poles must be reached in order to achieve harmony. Ancient Encyclopedia

 

Where the advocates for the term Toxic Positivity drop the ball is by failing to realize where the real problem lies. The problem is not the positivity; it is the intent behind the statements being made at that time. Not everyone is meant to give advice and many can not handle when others vent to them. Because of this encouraging ourselves and others to use discernment when confiding in other. Everyone deserves a sounding board. Someone who gives constructive criticism as well as offers a different perspective on a series of unfortunate events. Positivity can not toxic nor can optimism, hopefulness, or any other synonyms for positivity. However, intentions, behavior, and words can be toxic. The different in positivity and negativity is in the mindset the person has at that time. Mindset is often fueled by the persons intention. The problem also lies in the lack of duality we have in society. We are continuously asked to chose sides. Today within the self care and love movement it may seem as though self love is all things positive when is actuality it is all about balancing the good and the bad. Many of us may be under the impression that self love is about embracing everything and being completely happy with the good, the bad, and the ugly. With this way of thinking it is easy to have anxiety and depression because we beat ourselves up because we honestly can’t.

IT’S A FALSE NARRATIVE

Self Love is about compassion which is another tool of positivity. It is okay to be out of shape, it is okay to be depressed, it is okay to get off track. What isn’t okay is continuing toxic behavior that feeds all of things you are unhappy with. When we feed the negative things we want to change it makes positivity and change seem further and further in the distance. A major factor of Self Love is getting to the root of the problem by asking why, jotting down triggers and cycles, and most of all not running/escaping. When we run we constantly feel like we are being haunted by our own shadow. The secrete to growing in positivity and self love is: 1. Speaking up and confronting the things that are weighing you down. That means realizing sometimes we are the culprit. Sometimes we have to come to terms with we are how we got here. It may also mean making sacrifices. 2. It is continuous process. Being positive is a daily commitment. No one is in control of our mindset but us. We choose what we focus on daily; do we choose to let 1 bad moment ruin our day or do we decide to tack on something we know will make our even more bomb? There always be a bad day however each day is a chance hit restart.

 

validation-and-hope-versus-toxic-positivity-1549221571

 

The chart above illustrates the verbiage used by someone who is portraying Toxic Positivity and Validation and Hope. In the right column Toxic Positivity can arguably be described as insensitive to the persons emotions. While the left column displays someone who is encouraging. The flaw within this chart is the failure to offer scenarios. The right column offers a vague range of phrases and slogan society loosely uses without going in-depth.  When looking at the left column we can see there is a fine line between holding space for someone to experience their emotions and enabling them to give up or become consumed by their emotions. Statements such as, “It’s okay to give up.” may send a message to someone who has a history of always giving up that it is okay never finishing anything I start. While instead trying the question, ” Have you tried a different approach?” or ” Do you know anyone with experience who could possible be of some assistance?” Reminding someone it is okay to take a step back to let something breathe is always an option; however, exhausting your options gives room for your ideal outcome. A we look a little further we can find the statement, ” We make sense of is all later.” When life is happening the situation will probably never make sense. The one thing that we can offer is perspective; a moment to really sit back and reflect. Reminding someone there is always a lesson to be learned no matter how stupid or inconvenient the situation gives the person seed of awareness. Awareness is one of many things we lack today. We become so consumed in our problems and others we never have time to remove our emotions, expectations, and wants. When we are mindful enough to step back we can see things for what they really are and sift through the bullshit and things we brought upon ourselves.

Today more than ever we need good friends and family who can hold space for us to let everything out. And we also need people on our lives to help us unpack it all for us to make sense. Most importantly we need people who are non-bias, objective, reflective, who can constructive criticism. All of this requires someone who is positive that will hold you accountable. If we are not careful we will find ourselves down another rabbit hole that causes even more division .

My Perspective,

My Views,

Share With Me,

Vibe With Me,

Rose 

 

 

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Love and Ego

When we enter into a serious relationship it seems as though everyone wants to offer us  a word of advice. We often hear the word Sacrifice and Compromise over and over again; leading us to believe that relationships are nothing short of doom and gloom. But, does it have to be that way? Is there nothing more to relationships than losing yourself and always compromising?! Well, I am here to tell you there is more. Relationships are not about compromise and sacrifice. This is common when we haven’t done the work to truly get to know ourselves on a deep level. When we are in a serious committed relationship 2 words come to mind; Understanding and Blending. When we have done the work to heal and get to know ourselves we will attract someone who is welling  to do the same or has done the same. Because of this sacrifice and compromise will not be a necessity. This is because when we are both striving to provide better for ourselves and one another we are able to map out a bigger picture. When we blend we acquire all of our needs and lack nothing. However, blending can only happen after we have an understand of one another and our needs. In blending 2 parties are working together; complimenting each others strengths and weaknesses. This requires communication and maybe even reflecting depending on the topic, but above all understanding.

When we talk about relationships that last the one thing nobody ever tells us is that the Ego has no room in relationships. Our ego has the potential power to break up a powerful relationship. No one mentions this because we simply do not think about our ego or we consider it an important part of our identity. Yes, the ego is a part of our identity however the ego is fragile; meaning the slightest thing can potentially shatter our ego. In relationships we often have expectations for every level of a committed relationship from dating to marriage. When these expectations are not met the ego is bruised causing our feelings to become hurt. The ego impacts our emotions more than we like to think. Our ego does not like compromising and sacrificing. The ego wants what is wants by any means necessary and knows no boundaries; because of this many relationships do not last. This means there is no consideration. The ego is only about self which means there is zero capacity for anyone else. The ego, while it can be a helpful trait to have is detrimental when trying to build a strong relationship. Many arguments start and fester due to the ego. This is because the ego wants to be right and win every conversation. Because of this alone things are said that we truly don’t mean and should never say to one another. Oftentimes ego wants us to hold things over our loved ones head to keep score. Knowing that the ego is fragile means it is important to listen to understand instead of listening to respond. When we listen to understand this allows time to take everything in without assuming it is a challenge of ones knowledge, understanding, or wisdom.

Have you ever dated someone who is insecure?

Have you ever dated someone who is a complete nut job?

We all have!!!!!

And we have all been that person to an existent.

When ego is leading the relationship our judgement is a little foggy. Ego has no room in a relationship because we can push the people we love away and hurt them. The ego fears the potential of humiliation; in relationships we are most vulnerable. In a vulnerable state we are not in control of what happens. When we allow our ego to lead being in control is important. Because of this some of us may come off as clingy due to the fact that we want attention and time always. When we do not have it we may assume that attention and time is going to someone else. Perhaps we are a little controlling? We may want things to go our way or there is no way. Oftentimes we call this a power trip or egotistical. Allowing the ego to drive the relationship oftentimes creates a toxic relationship or a relationship where everyone is walking on egg shells. The important thing to remember is that we can not change one another in a relationship. All too often we want our partner to be the version of what we want or we walk into a relationship with the intent of “fix” or changing a person. When we do this we are manipulating that person. This too is the ego leading the relationship. Ego likes to be in control of every aspect of our lives and the truth of the matter we only have so much control here.

This is not a blog to tell you to kill the ego. This is to help you be aware when going into a serious relationship or even before considering marriage. The ego is a part of what keeps us motivated and hungry. It is also apart of what helps us to create boundaries . The idea is to put the ego in the passenger seat and get to know yourself outside the relationship. When we do these things the ego will be fed automatically. When you love yourself actively we will not need validation or an excessive amount of attention from our spouse. Also in doing so we become a better person and spouse overall.

 

My thoughts, My views,

Share with me,

Vibe with me,

-Rose

 

 

 

Black Like Me By John Howard Griffin

The country seemed to be awakening to the depth of injustices suffered by black people. Hundreds of college students white and black, poured into black areas to register black citizens for the vote. In areas outside of the south, students on campuses were deeply concerned and picketed local businesses that continued to practice discrimination.- John Howard Griffin (Black Like Me)

If you’re a quick read you may haven’t thought this was talking about today’s current climate. However, in actuality this quote was taken from John Howard Griffins’ first book ” Black Like Me”. This book is a timeless gem that details his experience as he navigates the south as black man. Before the strange now norm of bleaching, tanning, and realistic mask Mr. Griffin took it upon himself to become a part of the struggle to get a better understanding of racism. Black Like Me is written in 1959 before the late great Martin Luther King and Malcom X became neighborhood and household names.

As a journalist Mr. Griffin is one of many whites at the time who does not support nor condone racism. However, he doesn’t know how to help nor does he understand what we and people of color go through on a daily bases. He wants to get in the mind of a negro; to feel what he feels, think what he thinks, do what he does, all to truly try to gain a deeper understanding. Initially intending it to be sort of a science experiment; as he has to receive a few injections, use certain staining cream, and take a few capsules to change and maintain his dark pigmentation.  After sharing his experience Mr. Griffin experiences backlash and a series of threats from his community causing his family to relocate to Mexico. Over the years many people wanted his story to be told along with the insight he gained during his experience; leading to Mr.Griffin working closes with Dick Gregory, Stockley Carmichael, Martin Luther King, and many other prominent Black figures.

Black Like Me shares insight on the 1968 Miami Republican Convention were a riot unfolded as Nixon became president; revealing the secrete push of the government as well as media to entice a race war (doesn’t that sound familiar). Throughout the book you can find many present day parallels in regards to what defines a true Black Community Leader as well as tips given in ways white business men and leaders could help solve the many issues in the Ghettos. Black Like Me offers much insight in regards to history they may have never been told; giving you a true account of from the inside of Civil Rights progression.

This perhaps was the most terrible time in modern history insofar as civil rights were concerned in this land. Black people began to believe in greater numbers that this country was really moving toward genocide, and from the point of view of Black America, the evidence  was alarming. – John Howard Griffin ( Black Like Me)

Foundation of Love

LOVE…..

The 4 letter word we spend our entire lives learning and relearning. We tend to go through phases of feeling as though we have it all figured out; until we reach a new level along out journey. Many say we experience love when we first burn. This is because children are pure. When we are born we love everyone and everything; or just about. Others may say we never truly know what love is until we meet our first love or one true love. But the question is, ” Do we really know what love is?” We spend most of our lives being coached on the do’s and don’ts of love as well as what to look for when it happens. The truth is love looks and feels different for all of us. However, the foundations of love are all the same. Why!!! How!!!! Think about a house. Each house may look different yet the foundation of each house structurally the same. We need a blue print, carved out dimensions, frame, insolation. The look and strength of the house is dependent upon the individuals within the relationship. When it comes to a relationship we oftentimes hear, ” love is the foundation of any relationship”. If a relationship is looked at as a home  and love being the foundation; everyone needs to be solid. So, what make a solid foundation?

I’M GLADE YOU ASKED.

When we hear the word  RELATIONSHIP  or LOVE we tend to instantly think of intimate relationships of any kind. But, the truth is relationships are everywhere; we ourselves in relationships with our parents, siblings, extended family, co-workers, children, friends, etc. Each of these relationships has the potential to display an example of love.  However, our foundation of love is built at a very early age. From the moment we are born we begin to observe and learn what is it to be a human being. As a child we watch and mimic our parents or caregivers. It is within this very moment we learn about relationships and what love looks, sounds, and feels like. When it comes to Early Childhood Development love is at the center. Our foundation of love is built within the early developmental stages of our children. How we nurture our children as well as the type of environments they are in influences their development. When we talk about nurturing we are shining a light on the relationship between child and parent. Some may argue, “The first and most important relationship a child experiences in their lifetime is with their mother and father.” or “A child’s first love is their mother or father.”.  This is due to the fact that children learn by way of mimicking what is they see as well as what is they hear. Everything is mimicry for children all the way down to a child’s first laugh. This is only if a child’s brain is being stimulated. Human interaction is important from birth and our parents are who we interact with the most during the “prime years” of our life.

“It is important to keep in mind Brain Stimulations and Human Interaction is about more than words and sounds; this consist of touch, smells, sounds, words, as well as personal actions.”

The first thing a child experiences on this earth is human touch. It is here we gain an understand of what love feels like. Human touch to this day has proven to be a very important factor for mental health; as well as deemed sacred to some across the world. This is because we as humans need affection. Affection is something every living organism needs; and can be something as simple as a hug , kind words, or a pat on the back. Affection is one if not the only way someone truly feels loved and secure. Researchers show that a child who grows up without affection from parents lacks a significant amount of confidence in their adulthood. Because affection and human touch plays such a heavy roll with our emotions especially human interaction children that grow up without these things in their life tend to become socially awkward; not really knowing what it is to truly have a positive relationship. Because of this many researchers believe child that lack these things will not be as successful as they progress and transition in to adulthood and the working class.

Our foundation of love starts with our parents. It is our mother and father who teaches us how to lay the foundation. Because of this parents are expected to lead by example; this is the corner stone of effective parenting. It has been said that children not only learn how to treat others from their parents but also how to treat themselves in the process. Researchers also argue that children who are raised by parents who practice self-care, take breaks, and problem solving effectively with spouses tend to be less anxious and “better off” in their adulthood. Let’s explore this  a little more in-depth shall we?!  When it comes to positive rearing many parents will tell their children, “Act like you have home training.” or ” Act like you have some manners.” However, these are things a child can only learn from watching, listening, learning, and practicing; when given the opportunity.  Children learn communication skills from their parents and environment. As a child observes their surroundings they learn what is socially acceptable and unacceptable. This is also how the concept of respect is learned. Communication is all about respect or the lack there of. How we talk to one another says a lot about how we feel about them; it displays how much we care for them and how much respect we have for them. As a child grows up this is how the child will not only act towards their parents but towards just about everyone they interact with. This will also be the bases of what a child believes a healthy relationship looks like all the way into adulthood.

At the core of relationships is Self Love and Self Care. If we do not give ourselves the respect and love we deserves we cannot hold anyone else to that standard. However, this is again something that is learned with our parents. When a daughter watches her mother she learns what is means to take care of herself. She learns the important of hygiene, pampering, and much more. Much like sons learn similar core self care routines from their father. These things can be expounded upon in terms of how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. If a child sees their parent talking badly about or to themselves, working none stop, not taking care of their mental or physical health; a child will think that is normal for all adults. However, if a child sees their parents taking care of themselves by working out, doing yoga, meditating, or simply setting out time to laugh, be happy, and healthy; the child will mimic this as they grow. It is here a child learns the do’s and don’ts of relationships as a whole. Too many adults are going through life learning what it is to have a healthy relationship while trying to heal from childhood traumas and unlearning the toxic norms of their past. The foundation of love is something we begin building from the moment we are born with the assistance and guidance of our parents. Because of this we must have the goal of learning a from our parents yet aspire to be better for the next generation. If we rear our children in a positive way and help build a solid foundation there would be less trauma children would have to heal from as they grow up. And because of this we as adults would know how to heal ourselves without depending because we were equipped as a child. Broken children come from broken homes and create broken relationships.

Peace and Blessing,
My thoughts my views, share with me, vibe with me

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Solskr Healing

Solskr  is a company that creates 100% all natural hand crafted botanical products. And let’s just say their products are nothing short of luxurious. I had the pleasure of trying Solskr Products for about 5 months and my body loved every moment of it. The products I received were the Lavender + Chamomile Botanical Oil and Bath Salt. First thing I noticed instantly was the sweet aroma of the botanical oil once you apply it to your skin or hair the scent is long lasting. The bath salt is amazing all together; if you are someone who loves herbs and flowers in your bath this is made for you. The herbs and flowers are not a pain to clean out of your tub which is a plus. A little bit goes a long way with both products even if you use them a lot it will last you at least 2-3 months.

I used the botanical oil on my hair as well as on my skin. I often mixed the oil with raw shae butter when applying to my skin however you truly do not need to do so. After about 2 weeks of using the botanical oil I noticed my nails took well to the oil. My nails had a natural shine, grew very long, and didn’t break off as easily. When applying to my hair I would simply spray my locs and little massage the oil into my scalp; the same applied after washing my hair as well. The oil does not leave residue or build up in your locs. Because of this I truly believe this botanical oil would be perfect for hair skin and nails. The company does sell other products such as Sage, Palo Santo Wood, and Rose + Hibiscus Infused Oil and Bath Salt.  This is by far one of the best produces I have used.

You can shop Solskr by clicking HERE

Be sure to follow them on Instagram @solskrhealing

Art Of Detachment

Take A Deep Breath In Through The Nose.

Let It All Go. 

      In today’s’ climate we are all plugged in; including myself. We can’t help but tune into the latest scandal at the White House. The injustice that seems to be hitting us from every aspect. Not to mention we love our daily dose of Tea. When do we every have time to decompress? Many of us use our daily dose of Tea as a way to decompress because let’s face it, “Our lives aren’t filled with this much drama so we have watch it somewhere…… Right?” Wrong. Now listen it is totally fine to indulge. However, we haven’t mastered the concept of balance just yet. In most cases our tea only adds to the excessive doses of negativity we invite into our home. Sometimes we need to unplug and find a way to detach from the world around us.

Detach: to separate from something else or from others especially for a purpose.

To separate especially from a larger mass and usually without violence or damage.

Detachment: the state of being objective or aloof.  Lack of interest in worldly concerns.

Freedom from the favoring of one side over another.

Why is it so important to Detach?!

          Some of us may assume that being detached means being careless, withdrawn, and emotionless. Well, that would mean being extremely cold and in some cases out of touch. The Art of Detachment is about self-care; being able reconnect with self and what we truly care about in regard to values, morals, and interest. We are also able to have the luxury of viewing things from a birds eye view.  Detachment is about taking a step back to gain clarity above all things. With some much of our information controlled by media we do not have the time nor space to gather information and understanding for ourselves. It oftentimes feels as though negativity is thrown at us a mile a minute; as well as constant reminders of how people in society should be living with zero signs of letting up. Because of this we often times feel overwhelmed and drained. Because of this we seek coping mechanisms or outlets.

      As a people it is important for us to detach from negative people, thoughts, and tangible things. Within the spiritual and/or conscience community we often hear people say, ” Let go of everything that no longer serves you.” Well what does that even mean?! Letting go of what no longer serves you means to let go of things that do not make you a better person in the long run. It also means letting go of what may be holding you back from advancing along in your spiritual journey. Letting go is a very hard thing to do. However, the hardest part is always getting started. The idea of letting go is oftentimes hard for us to fathom because when we are emotional invested into anything we tend to cling.  Even if that thing doesn’t align with our beliefs and values we will hold on to it because it is something that has been with us for so long. It is simply because the things we hold on to make us feel comfortable; it is something we have grown used to. However, holding on often times does more harm than good. Letting go is in many cases the best thing we can do to preserve our mental and spiritual state above all.

What Is Holding You Back?

What Is Holding You Down?

What Cause Harm or Dis-Ease Within Your Life?

What Are You Constantly Consuming?

     Many of us do not know what it means to unplug. Unplugging is essentially detaching  from everything. Media, Phones, TV, People outside of your loved ones. Often times when we hear the word unplug  we think that we have to completely go off the grid. Well sometimes we can’t do that unless we are on a vacation. Perhaps, turn off your phone for a day or 2 over the weekend. Delete your social media apps, go without TV for while, visit a park, or drive to the beach.  Maybe you simply spend a day inside and begin a self-care routine. Detaching begins and looks differently for everyone. However, within today’s’ society social media or our phone rules. And because of that one of the first steps is to ditch the phone and reconnect; getting back to self as well as nature. Ultimately this is because we have to be mindful of what we put into our bodies in every way. It is good to ask yourself every once in a while, ” What am I consuming?” The Art of Detachment is about acknowledging that we may be in this world however we are not of this world. In unplugging from the world this allows us a chance to reconnect with who we are and what truly matters to you. Oftentimes we are told or directed in how to feel and view things. When we are able to detach we begin to make judgments of our own. Just because we are told how we should feel and view things does not mean we have to subscribe to it. Not everything that is fed to us we have to eat. As we gain a little perspective, over time we may come to the realization that certain things truly don’t affect us anymore. We may also begin to notice how a large sum of things do not hold any value within our lives and simply do not matter. This is okay; we are not meant to be engulfed in worldly matters that are not of serves to our highest good or the highest good of others. Today it is easy for us to get distracted however there no situation that is new under the sun. However, we have a habit of blurring the lines of what is beneficial and what is self sabotage. We have the capacity to be aware of everything that is taking place without giving our energy away.

      The Art of Detachment also teaches us a lesson that many of us are uncomfortable with. All too often we become obsessed with the vision we have in regards to how our life should be; it has to be on our terms on our time. We as people like to have a hand in every aspect of our lives. Because of this it seems that fear of the unknown is almost second nature to us. However, we shy away from this conversation because no one wants to be labeled a “Control Freak”. And those that do consider themselves a control freak tend to glorify the name without acknowledging the high anxiety and anger associated with the habit. When wanting to have a hand in every aspect of our life we run the risk of being too attached. To What?!! We tend to be attached to the expectations we set for our self. We “hold the vision” without leaving room for growth perhaps even mistakes. Mistakes and failure are both opportunities for growth. Detachment teaches us that no one is perfect and it isn’t our fault. While we do have control; there are somethings that just aren’t in our power because we are apart of something bigger than ourselves. Detachment allows us to be okay with letting go. Being “too” attached and worried is saying we do not trust the Universe The Most High. Leave room for magic.

Have you ever read the 4 Agreements? The 4 Agreements are agreements we make with ourselves each day. The 4 Agreements are:

  1. Always Do Your Best
  2. Be Impeccable With Your Words
  3. Take Nothing Personally
  4. Don’t Make Assumptions

     The 4 Agreements teach us the basics of the Art of Detachment. These 4 agreements act as a mindfulness kit; our coat of armor. When all 4 are put into practice we are able to defuse a situation and calm our anxiety before it come up to surface level. This is because we are protected within on a spiritual and mental level. Each agreement acts as mindfulness check for the soul. Giving us the power to detach from situations, habits, and more that may not matter to us in years to come. Unplugging is also a great tool to have whenever we feel we are losing touch with self. It is something that can be viewed as spring cleaning for the soul. However, it should be done more than once a year because it is a healing process. And each time may be and look different. The beauty is each time we unplug the more we learn about ourselves.

     The Art of Detachment brings about balance that overflows into our personal lives in a positive way. We gain a sense of duality  within our daily life by being able to decipher how to distribute time between what we need and what we want. By doing so we are less likely to experience burnout, anxiety, or irritability because we are satisfied. This feeling shows up in the way we approach situations and how carry ourselves. Find balance within the Art of Detachment is the true essence of being unbothered in a society that is designed to hit our emotional triggers.

 

Peace and Blessing,

My thoughts my views, share with me, vibe with me

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I Love Africa Designs

ILA ( I Love Afrika Designs) has been an household name for my husband and I for 2 years now. So it was no surprise when my husband requested them as the final touch to his wedding attire. ILA is a online boutique from Trinidad that sells Loc Caps, Crochet Tops, and much much more. My husband and I both decided our dreads would be wrapped on the day of our ceremony. Since we had a summer wedding we both needed something thought would make us sweat too much. ILA loc caps are my husbands go to because they allow your head to breathe even on hot summer days. After purchasing the loc cap I personally reached out to inform them that we needed the loc cap for our ceremony and she graciously mailed it out the next day.  I love how personable ILA is which their costumers. They inform you how long shipping will take due to the fact that it is being shipped from another country which did put me at ease. The loc caps come in different sizes depending upon how long your dreads are. Also you have a choice in how long you would like the elastic band to be for the perfect fit. There are loc caps for men and women alike as well as knitted hats. Once it arrived my husband was so excited. Thank You ILA for making my husbands day and for being the finishing touch for my husband on our Wedding Day.

For more information on I Love Afrika Designs Click Here.

Empressive Finds For An Empress

Every little girl has this fantasy of how she will look on her wedding day. As for me my vision changed over the years. It wasn’t until I knew who I was that I was able to see myself for who I truly am. Luckily I came to that realization before wedding bells started to ring. Once I evolved into the woman that I am today I put much thought into my attire for our ceremony. I knew the attire must be symbolic of our union as well as my families history. Another huge factor was that my husband and I address one another as Empress and King; I wanted my attire to symbolize not only a royal but also a spiritual union.

Once the time came to go dress and accessory shopping I was already captivated by a beautiful woman by the name of Empress AK on Instagram. Without hesitation I personally reached out to her for ideas and inspiration. I have followed her for a little over 2 years and watched her grow as a woman and brand. When it came to supporting her business I was waiting for the perfect time and occasion.  What influenced my look for the ceremony was the love of my heritage within the African Diaspora and our cultural attire across the world. Woman such as Nefertitit, Queen Makeda, Empress Menin, Oshun, and many other African Queens. For me our ceremony signified my rights of passage as an Empress as I begin to create my own dynasty along side my Emperor. I knew that I could only got to Empress AK to make that vision manifest. Alli was such a joy to work with and so humble the entire time. The first day I got into contact with her she sent me so many adornment ideas and consulted me about how I should wear my wrap. Even though she is located in New York she made it a point that we communicated back and forth up until the wedding day. It meant a lot to me because I wanted her to see the final look with everything put together.  These moments alone felt like a dream come true. I will never forget trying on the full attire at Impressions Bridal with Empressive Finds jewelry adorning my head. The entire bridal shop was completely quiet; everyone was in complete shock because everyone said this look couldn’t be done in a classy or elegant way. Well The Empress AK proved them wrong. I am forever grateful .

What I love about Empress AK is she informed me on when she shipped the adornments and in the package she takes the time to write a thank you card which is personalized. Empressive Finds boutique has a variety of things. She is known for her glossy head wraps however she offers bases wraps as well. Aside from wraps she has third eye jewelry, earrings, and much more. Her card brought tears to my eyes and put me to ease. Alli puts time and love into her work which overflows into how she interacts with her customers; or as she calls us her cousins.  Again Allie is so humble, real, and sweat. She will forever be family in my eyes. Thank You having a hand in making our ceremony magical. I am not sure what I would have done without her.

For more information on Empressive Finds Click Here.

Shopaholic Ghana

The Groom has to look as good as the Bride right??!!!

Well thank to Etsy that was possible. Etsy has been the talk of the town over the past year. For much of my planning people have referred the site to me for things such as invitations and decor. However I have always been skeptical about using the site and any other online shopping site. When it came to our ceremony my husband wanted something cultural yet different. Often times when looking for African Attire unless you look online or at a Middle Eastern shop you pretty much see the same thing at each store. Our primary drawback when shopping was that we couldn’t find anything in all white. Each attire had gold or silver embroidery. When looking at different designs at other cultural shops it just wasn’t what we were looking for in a cultural garment. When shopping we were going off of a design I found on the internet however we never looked to see who the designer was. All I knew was I didn’t want him to have to buy something offline. After doing some digging I found the shop on Etsy.com. My husband decided to order the attire with high hopes and expectations. I was on pins and needles because I had never ordered from Etsy. Once everything came in he was thoroughly impressed with everything. I tried my hardest to find the man or woman behind the brand yet I couldn’t find anything. The attire is made in Ghana with very light material and is made to order if you send in your own measurements. My husband was comfortable the entire ceremony and was able to wear it through the reception. He truly looked like royalty.

Shopaholic GH is a etsy boutique that specializes in African Clothing. There is attire for men, women, and children. You will find that some of the attire is a matching set for the entire family. Shipping does not take long to arrive at your home and you are able to track the shipment.

Thank You Etsy and Shopaholic GH

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CoCo Hut Catering Blues

As a bride you want to start wedding planning as early as possible to be able to lock certain things in such as venue, catering, and any other vendors that may need a early deposit. Which is why my husband and I took a winter trip to New Orleans. Originally we went to lock in a location for the ceremony and reception; we tried food  just to give us an idea of what we possible wanted our menu to be. One afternoon we stumbled upon a Caribbean restaurant by the name of CoCo Hut.  A very small family owned business where the food is made to order. Thoroughly impressed we asked if they catered and was told yes on the spot. Once we returned home I called CoCo Hut as I was instructed to recieve a quote for all that would want at the wedding. Our reception menu was based on there menu and specifically what we ordered on our visit. After speaking with CoCo Hut I was told I should expect a call to confirm by Friday.

The Catering Blues begins here……..

A we goes by and we never received a call back.  Each time we reach out we are told the owner isn’t in she will call back. Unfortunately the owner is the only person able to discuss catering matters. During this time we are going into Christmas and I decided to wait until the holidays die down before continuing with vendor confirmations. The second week of January I am calling twice a week yet I can not get in touch with CoCo Hut. Once February comes I am a little on edge as I am calling and continually being told the owner is out of town or not in yet. I assume Madi Gras may have taken up some of her time; so again I wait. March there is no call back and we are 3 months away from our ceremony. By the middle of March we are over the waiting game and decide to make a trip to New Orleans to finalize everything for the wedding. By this time we have everything for the ceremony and are dropping things off for our cake and doing a final walk through of our venue. Yet and still we have nothing for our guest to eat. We decide to visit CoCo Hut in hopes that the owner is in for us to speak with.

As we arrive the owner is in casually talking to her brother.We greeted the owner and expressed we would love to have a moment of her time and she was instantly defensive and ask, ” For what?”.  Unfortunately she was not willing to have a seat and discuss our catering menu which we gave her months in advance. After explaining we had been trying to call about catering our wedding she asked us to, “come back tomorrow”. We were willing to come back however she refused to give us a definite time she would be in. While trying to engage she continued to have a side conversation with her brother. The entire experience was extremely frustrating. While at the restaurant we considered waiting to grab a bite to eat. As we waited I was able to take in the entire restaurant kitchen area included and I was dissatisfied  with some of the conditions the kitchen was in. My husband and I decided to look else where for a caterer and to never eat at CoCo Hut again. Livid doesn’t express how upset we were when leaving the establishment. However, we cancelled our order and left in peace.

CoCo Hut was very unorganized and unprofessional which  put us in a very uncomfortable position. I would have appreciated and respected the establishment if we received a phone call let us know they were unable to accommodate us. In the months leading up to our final visit we were scrambling in search of a Plan B for catering. Having to deal directly with the owner has ruined our experience with the business establishment. The cashier as well gave poor customer service that day as well while taking the orders of others. Perhaps it was a bad day? However, we chose to take our love for Caribbean food elsewhere when in New Orleans.

For more information on CoCo Hut Click Here